I got a chain of text messages yesterday from a friend who had found a cure for blemishes/acne: SPERM!
Yes, my lovelies, you read that correctly. Please do not re-adjust the dials on your screen as I am talking about man goo. Penile pollen. Man milk. Love butter. Baby batter. Spooge. Spunk that she and her beau alike plaster their faces with to get rid of redness and irritation.
Naturally I had to investigate this phenomenon. (Get your mind out of the gutter – I did it through the world wide web.)
Through some diligent research I have found some pret-ty inneressin’ things. Ready?
- semen contains Vitamin C, a detoxifier, and antioxidants
- sperm is rich in protein
- seminal fluid contains vitamins and fructose
Vitamin C + antioxidants + protein + fructose = ingredients in skin care (acne) products!
There are even spas in New York that offer “Spermine Facials” that can cost up to $250.
This gooey mask firms and gives the sensation of tightening as it dries. Must be washed off with a mild product. Some victims report glowing results and the exile of unwanted textures.
If you’re strapped for cash, I suggest investing in a boyfriend or a boy friend who is comfortable with handing off his goodies for an effervescent cause of beauty. Though I should warn you to be careful when asking for a facial – it may bring up frat boy fantasies and in turn become a dangerous habit.
You may also be a squeamish squirt and disgusted by even the slightest thought of this formula, in which case I suggest selling some of your possessions to invest in a trip to the pee pee spas.
Otherwise – stick to skin care that is already available on the market and to this blog for homeopathic remedies that do not require digital handy works. 🙂