Through working on faces for the past decade I have met a lot of really wonderful humans with who I am, to this day, in contact with and some that I have grown to love deeply and dearly. You know who you are.
In the process, my path collided with a special select few at whom I longingly stared, fantasizing of jabbing an eye pencil through their cranial orifices. Some call them “stage moms”.
Surely you have rolled your eyeballs once or twice while watching
smutty kid pageant reality teevee shows. Surely, at one point or another, you have wanted to pimp slap a parent at your grocery store wailing on their offspring. Surely I am not the only one.
Wall of shame:
- A mother who waxed her 4 year old’s eyebrows! Naturally I hounded her asking if she, at four years of age, would have appreciated having her face ripped off.
- Another mother who took her 9 year old to the nail salon to get an acrylic French manicure and pedicure! I flipped out.
- Parents who purchased trampy club clothes for their 12 year old and egged her on to assume sexy poses for the camera! I sent them all home after sharing a few choice words for the road.
- A mother of 13 and 14 year year olds who, when proposed the question, “Would you let them get a breast augmentation at this age if the job asked for it?” said YES! (You should have seen the look on the other mothers’ faces.) I lost it.
All of these perpetrators yield to media and their children’s reasoning instead of educating them on what is more important…like books, art, diet and proper skin care.
- Unless a model, under 16, I work with is six feet tall and signed with a reputable agency – chances of me doing more than concealer spot treatment, cream blush and chap stick/clear gloss – are slim to none.
- Teens need to stop wearing that horrid black waterproof liner on their waterline (bottom lash line), please aid me on this endeavour. They don’t know how to blend it and how to wash it off properly. Just. Stop. It. Or try coloured mascaras instead.
- I’m all for teens experimenting with sheer lipgloss colours – fresh and lovely.
- Very light cream blush with a little shimmer is also okay in my book.
- Waxing/plucking should not be allowed until 15 or 16 and ONLY if you’re splitting a unibrow or if you fear Brezhnev’s reincarnation.
Teach your youngins about proper skin care. Keep in mind that prevention (not the sexy time kind…though also helpful) earlier on in their lives can lead to healthier skin later on in their lives that will last longer than yours.
Bestow upon them a healthy habit of never leaving the house without sun screen – rain or shine.
Nip in the bud the Flamin’-Hot-Cheetos-and-RedBull-breakfast routine.
Dress them age-appropriately. It’s YOUR money and YOUR rules until they are 18, don’t forget that.
Decrease face time with the television, I swear they all want to move into music video sets. At least explain to them that films/videos are 90% constructed and not real…their favourite “teen” performers have had chest hair and periods for the past decade.
Be available and honest when your kids need you – a lot of lashing out comes from attention anorexia which leads to horrible makeup and singed hair…I speak from experience.
Hell forbid I ever have a daughter – she will be home schooled and locked down until she is sixteen, dressed in Amish couture, oblivious to razors and rockin’ a unibrow. But if not – I’ll settle for my own version of Madonna’s daughter who should be every teen’s fashion/beauty icon. Go, girl.