Beauty, Brushes, Grooming, Hygiene, Makeup, Prevention, Set Etiquette

Dirty Makeup Bitches

I have zero fucking tolerance for anyone with access to makeup and faces that is not just unprofessional, but dirty. ZERO.

Having heard countless complaints from friends/clients about the horrors of filthy brushes, disorganized messy kits, post-application breakouts, rashes and, worse, infections – I have seen some heinous shit myself.

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And then we have this past weekend. I was so stoked to work with my favourite makeup and hair friends on a shoot in Orange County [please note that I despise the OC for all of its plastic, gaudy, suburban splendour which makes this story that much worse] because we have the same aesthetic and sense of humour. These things are important on all shoots, let alone places that require them to survive.

Then walks in what I can only describe as a heavily made up human suit stretched over the alien from the movie Alien.

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Immediately the three of us knew this was a MAC artist. This was reaffirmed by her MAC Zuca case and the skills she possessed which I will indubitably school you on.

I won’t get into the fact that she started rearranging my coffee cup and glasses without asking [apparently that’s her shady modus operandi], or that she didn’t ask us nor the producer what it is the, now, three of us should have been creating in unison. What I will tell you about is how she whipped out her busted up caboodle and started cleaning her disgusting brushes.

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My immediate reaction.

I nearly fucking vomited.

Perhaps instead of spending hours on herself that morning painting on a tranny face mask, she should have been washing her fucking brushes and not insulting the rest of us with her lack of professionalism. Oh, but then there is that.

Professionalism.

So, she came in with two “hair stylists”. One was very pleasant and nice and had on a smile and was very eager to cooperate. The other was so wet behind the ears she looked like everything was a surprise and brought about three cans of BigSexyHair she probably picked up at Ulta. *Note to all newbies in the business: smile, nod and learn. Bad attitude will get you as far as sanitizing brushes if you keep it up. Humility is the way forward.

To make this all easier to swallow let’s divide this into teams: Team Awesome and Team Ding Dong. No explanation necessary.

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While Team Awesome was kicking ass and churning out excellent work and running around on the two sets [one photo and one video], the Ding Dongs were DOING EACH OTHER’S FUCKING HAIR AND MAKEUP in the dressing room. Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me. And Alien had so much as, without flinching, giant rollers in her hair for hours. So, while we, the ones with decades of experience are running around and sweating, the newbie tards are hanging out and having a great time together. Did I mention they were the first ones to attack the lunch spread?

Every time Team Awesome walked back into the dressing room all would get quiet and dagger eyes would come out.

Then let’s talk about the work. Specifically how there is a special talent in making white skin look ashy. There were 5 girl models and 3 guys. Two of the girls had the most delicious dark chocolatey skin ever and I was fortunate enough to grab them first. My girl Cathi had a German girl who looked Brasilian. Alien grabbed an actual Brasilian girl and a white girl. Both looked looked like they were wearing gray face masks. Dark dark eyes and lips so light they looked dead. Mind you this is loosely the look we’re going for…

Calvin Klein Underwear Fall 2009 Ad Campaign

Dewy, sleek, contoured.

Oh, yeah, and she added guy-liner to one of the dudes. Epic. He looked like the Prince of Persia.

There was one incident where she grabbed one of my girls and put her in her chair “for touchups” and I immediately asked the model to kindly play musical chairs and sit in mine. Alien wasn’t happy.

Then there was another incident, about an hour prior to wrap, where Alien succeeded in “touching up” one of my girls. Luckily I caught whiff and remedied [I mean if you saw this you would die – homegirl looked like she was wearing a Day of the Dead mask]: walked her ass back into the dressing room, took a face wipe to her and started all over. Needless to say Alien bitch had her jaw on the floor the entire time.

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This was one of my girls. Not the victim. Look at that skin colour! I die.

So in order for you not to be a dirty makeup bitch, here are some tips:

1. CLEAN YOUR FUCKING BRUSHES!

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  • Baby shampoo or Bronners soap are gentle enough to clean your brushes with without buying crazy expensive stuff.
  • Wet the brushes.
  • Dab a drop of soap onto your palm and swish the brush around gently in circular motions.
  • Wash with lukewarm-to-cold water until it runs clear.
  • Lay flat to dry.

2. CLEAN YOUR FUCKING BRUSHES!

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  • For a quickie, in-between-thorough-washing situation, these two are my fave.
  • Parian Spirit and Cozette both smell like freshly sliced citrus fruit and leave your brushes looking and smelling just as lovely.
  • Spray the brush or paper towel and gently wipe the brush in a circular motion.
  • Repeat as many times as necessary until the brush wipes clean.

3. Sanitize your makeup between people.

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  • Even if you’re not a makeup artist but you like to play one with your friends.
  • Rubbing alcohol and a cheapie mist bottle from the dollar store are your friends.
  • All of your powder/pressed eyeshadows can be sprayed, lipstick, cream blush, etc.

4. Don’t double dip!

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  • This is a Make Up Forever spatula.
  • If you want to try your friend’s lipstick or cream shadow, or cream blush – whip out your spatula, scrape scrape, try.
  • If a spatula isn’t on hand, you can use the end of a brush – the plastic/wooden end if you need me to chew it up and swallow for you.

5. Sanitize your hands before touching anyone’s face.

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  • This is a diagram for those that don’t know how.
  • You may replace hand sanitizer with soap and water if it pleases you.

And if your makeup artist looks like the MAC counter exploded on their face – run very fast and very far.

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Creams, Eyes, Prevention, Remedy, Serums

Eye Want | Vous Voulez des Yeux

In 2009 I was a fucking mess. I lived in Chicago. Was barely working. Smoking at least one pack a day. My shit marriage was coming to an end and I was down to 98lbs. I know, teenage-boy-chic.

Stress + smoking = lines and dark circles under the eye area = FML.

Fast forward four years later…I live in sunnyalways Los Angeles, working my healthy size 2 arse off, smoke-free for nearly two years and plotting a memorable wedding with the best friend I’m going to marry. I know, I’m shitting happiness rainbows.

Even though life is good – I’ve had to work at removing those pesky lines and circles, but I didn’t go through it alone. And now I’d love to introduce you to my little helpers!

Chidoriya Serum

Chidoriya‘s Brightening Eye Serum is like a cocktail that prevents any further damage and slows the ageing process. On the oily side, but *super* light. This stuff doesn’t have an odor and dries in unison with the eye cream of your choice. I totally need to restock. $23.99

ultrasmoothing-eye-serum_163-01_590x617If you’re looking for a non-oily eye serum then look no further than Dermalogica‘s new Ultrasmoothing Eye Serum. Whatever your age or texture – this tube will keep on giving the goodness. Feels like a cooling eye mask that’s not greasy or sticky. Non-irritating. Refreshing. Just right. $50

paula's choice

A newbie I’ve fallen for is this Paula’s Choice RESIST Intensive Wrinkle-Repair Retinol Serum. A one-stop-shop to snap your ocular area back to when the two of you were in love. Clear but dense and feels brilliant, like it’s doing business. You can’t and won’t resist it. $31.95

Strivectin

Having been a loyal fan of this brand for the past four years, there is nothing bad I could ever say about StriVectin-SD. Nothing. The Eye Concentrate for Wrinkles, and any other product for that matter, does exactly what it promises – a real life Photoshop Magic Eraser. See for yourself. $65

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A recent favourite brand of mine. The whole line is pure luxury, but this Phyto Stem Cell + Eye Contour cream from G. M. Collin is the bee’s knees! I fell in love from the first pump. Pampering is the first word that comes to mind when thinking of my eyeballs slathered in this cream. $90

murad

Another newbie goodie two shoes. I’ve never used a Murad product I didn’t like. A velvety cream that brightens within minutes of being applied? What?! #superhappenned Instant Radience Eye Cream is the way forward if you are impatient. I know know how they do it!  $68

Stop crying, it won’t make you any younger looking. Go buy something!

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Evil, Hair, Prevention, Remedy, Sunscreen

Vika’s Hair | Vika les Cheveux

Vika is a mother of a gorgeous little girl. Vika is a blogger. Vika has very thick hair. Vika had a question for me about hair and pollution.

I answer Vika by telling her I’ll blog about it.

DO:

DO NOT:

  • shampoo daily
  • dry your hair with heat tools
  • use oil based hair products will attract dust/dirt

PREVENTION:

  • massage scalp with coconut oil, leave in for an hour, wash
  • aloe vera gel mask for an hour, wash
  • mayonaise hair mask, 3-4 hours, wash
If you still want to add a little glisten to your tresses – here are a couple of oil-free options:

Optimum Care Sheen Spray

Vitale Oil Free Hair Polish

TADA!

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Evil, Prevention, Skin, Sunscreen

Sunscreen? | Écran Solaire?

So, my friend Jordan sent me an interesting article two nights ago about the dangers [gasp] of sunscreen. DANGERS, people. Naturally, I had to put my investigating cap on and do the research so you don’t have to…

Apparently most sunscreens on the market contain chemicals that are harmful, more-so toxic,  and increase chances of cancer down the line. Check it:

Oxybenzone

  • penetration enhancer – aids chemicals in making their way into your skin
  • endocrine and hormone disrupter
  • damages and mutates cells
  • causes allergies
  • low birth weight if used during pregnancy

Vitamin A

  • increases skin’s sensitivity to UV rays = increases risks of skin cancer
  • another name for “retinol” which is used in anti-aging ingredients and should only be used at night and never around direct sun light

Diethyl Phthalate

  • causes liver and kidney damage
  • reduces fertility

Hemosalate

  • dries skin
  • deposits into hair follicles and may cause acne breakouts

Para-Aminobenzoic Acid (PABA)

Salicylates

  • horrible for children
  • used to treat acne – not for every day use
  • can lead to kidney failure due to overproduction of bicarbonate

Beware, mes petits chéris, that this is not coming from a place of paranoia or panic. I also laughed it off at first, but then I cross-checked references and found that, indeed, all these additives are not our friends.

This is not to say that you shouldn’t be protecting yourself from the sun. This is also not to say that Vitamin D is bad for you, on the contrary it has some lovely properties for our well-being. This is just so you are more informed, more aware of what you are putting on and into your bodies.

Tips

  • light clothing covering your limbs is an alternative to SPF 15
  • wear wide brimmed hats to protect your head and face
  • wear large sunglasses to protect your eyeballs
  • Viamin E [topically or consumed] is an amazing sunblock in itself and helps reverse signs of sun damage
  • Omega-3 oils and fish are excellent preventative measures against cancer
  • when at the beach or working outside – try to keep in the shade as much as possible

Safe/er Sunscreens:

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