Creams, Eyes, Prevention, Remedy, Serums

Eye Want | Vous Voulez des Yeux

In 2009 I was a fucking mess. I lived in Chicago. Was barely working. Smoking at least one pack a day. My shit marriage was coming to an end and I was down to 98lbs. I know, teenage-boy-chic.

Stress + smoking = lines and dark circles under the eye area = FML.

Fast forward four years later…I live in sunnyalways Los Angeles, working my healthy size 2 arse off, smoke-free for nearly two years and plotting a memorable wedding with the best friend I’m going to marry. I know, I’m shitting happiness rainbows.

Even though life is good – I’ve had to work at removing those pesky lines and circles, but I didn’t go through it alone. And now I’d love to introduce you to my little helpers!

Chidoriya Serum

Chidoriya‘s Brightening Eye Serum is like a cocktail that prevents any further damage and slows the ageing process. On the oily side, but *super* light. This stuff doesn’t have an odor and dries in unison with the eye cream of your choice. I totally need to restock. $23.99

ultrasmoothing-eye-serum_163-01_590x617If you’re looking for a non-oily eye serum then look no further than Dermalogica‘s new Ultrasmoothing Eye Serum. Whatever your age or texture – this tube will keep on giving the goodness. Feels like a cooling eye mask that’s not greasy or sticky. Non-irritating. Refreshing. Just right. $50

paula's choice

A newbie I’ve fallen for is this Paula’s Choice RESIST Intensive Wrinkle-Repair Retinol Serum. A one-stop-shop to snap your ocular area back to when the two of you were in love. Clear but dense and feels brilliant, like it’s doing business. You can’t and won’t resist it. $31.95


Having been a loyal fan of this brand for the past four years, there is nothing bad I could ever say about StriVectin-SD. Nothing. The Eye Concentrate for Wrinkles, and any other product for that matter, does exactly what it promises – a real life Photoshop Magic Eraser. See for yourself. $65


A recent favourite brand of mine. The whole line is pure luxury, but this Phyto Stem Cell + Eye Contour cream from G. M. Collin is the bee’s knees! I fell in love from the first pump. Pampering is the first word that comes to mind when thinking of my eyeballs slathered in this cream. $90


Another newbie goodie two shoes. I’ve never used a Murad product I didn’t like. A velvety cream that brightens within minutes of being applied? What?! #superhappenned Instant Radience Eye Cream is the way forward if you are impatient. I know know how they do it!  $68

Stop crying, it won’t make you any younger looking. Go buy something!

Evil, Hair, Prevention, Remedy, Sunscreen

Vika’s Hair | Vika les Cheveux

Vika is a mother of a gorgeous little girl. Vika is a blogger. Vika has very thick hair. Vika had a question for me about hair and pollution.

I answer Vika by telling her I’ll blog about it.



  • shampoo daily
  • dry your hair with heat tools
  • use oil based hair products will attract dust/dirt


  • massage scalp with coconut oil, leave in for an hour, wash
  • aloe vera gel mask for an hour, wash
  • mayonaise hair mask, 3-4 hours, wash
If you still want to add a little glisten to your tresses – here are a couple of oil-free options:

Optimum Care Sheen Spray

Vitale Oil Free Hair Polish


Hair, Remedy

Saviour? | Sauveur?

In the past month and a half my hair has been raped and pillaged by countless bleach washes and red dyes to achieve the greatest success – to be revealed to you in due course.

Through this, and by complete chance, I met a graphic designer who showed me the light:

Philip B – Russian Amber Imperial Conditioning Creme: not only does it smell like a luxurious piece of jewelry that you couldn’t afford, but it also made my hair soft after a-one time of the recommended 5 minutes.

Topped with…

Philip B – Lovin’ Leave-in Conditioner: this stuff is like feathers whipped into a silk with the smell of a cloud on your tresses. Unlike most leave-ins, this one won’t weigh your hair no matter what texture you are. No icky residue. No bullshit. Just clean and potent.


Evil, Hygiene, Men, Remedy, Skin

Backne | Retour D’acné

Today’s cheerful topic is bumpy backs. The fortunate humans who have received this gift should gather round and heed these admonitions…

First, let’s break it down and talk about how your back skins are much tougher than, say, the face. How backs undergo a lot more abrasive stresses like bras, chair backs, tight clothes, harsh scrubbers and etc. Thus irritation chances are greater and treatment times longer. This is the suck. But there is a light at the end:

  • though sponges/scrubbers aren’t a terrible idea, overdoing it is – be gentle with the cleaning of your dermis as not to cause further inflamation
  • wear looser fitting tops, preferably cotton – this removes sweat from skin
  • make sure your bras are clean, ladies, and the straps aren’t chafing away – strapless may be your best option
  • if you are a sweater – try showering as often as possible, but keep in mind that you don’t have to exfoliate each time
  • look for body wash with salicylic acid – this is your bacteria fighting friend
  1. shower
  2. rub Tea Tree Oil on affected area [wait 5 minutes to dry]
  3. rub Apple Cider Vinegar or Rice Wine Vinegar on affected area and on top of the Tea Tree Oil [wait 15 minutes to dry]
This is excellent when done nightly with great results. You’ll get used to the smells – a small price to pay for clear skin me thinks.

Hair, Remedy

Moisture Infused | Humidité Infusé

Through all the blow torches that singe my locks, hydration is my only hope.

Here are my top picks:

JOICO Moisture Recovery shampoo and conditioner. The first time I used this combination – my fingers slipped right through under the shower stream. It’s very important to use the shampoo on the scalp only to clean and the conditioner on ends only to give way to natural oils doing their job.

AUSSIE Hair Insurance Leave-in Conditioner and heat protector. A few sprays on the ends give hair shine and manageability before coming through with a wide tooth. I particularly love the smell…reminds me of sunshine.

Macadamia Healing Oil Treatment – one word: yum. Smells better than you imagine it to. A few drops worked into the ends on wet or dry hair (or both!) hydrate and hide damaged ends. I carry a bottle with me everywhere I go for a quick shine boost.

Plain ol’ olive oil – is the best hot oil treatment there is. Simply heat it until warm (not hot) and slather into the hair. Cover with a shower cap or saran wrap. Hold as long as  you can, 4-8 hours if you can stand it. Wash as per usual. Repeat once a week or more. This stuff is especially good for curly hair.

Schwarzkopf Repair Rescue Amino Fortifier – as my ends are, on a good day, damaged to hell. Once every couple of weeks after the shower and towel dried hair, I slather a few drops of this stuff on, wait 10 minutes and rinse. You have to try it to believe the results.

Food, Remedy, Skin

Stomach to Skin | Estomac à la Peau

Just popping in to list a few foods your skin and belly appreciate…

For all skins:

  • cherries
  • citrus fruits
  • walnuts
  • dates
  • black soybeans

For dry skins:

  • avocados
  • coconut oil
  • sesame oil
  • flaxseed
  • pine nuts
  • hazelnuts
  • sunflower seeds

For oily skins/acne prone:

  • papaya
  • pineapple
  • carrots
  • broccoli
  • brown rice
  • oats

Dark circles:

  • Asian pear
  • spinach

Hair and nails:

  • onions
  • sea veggies
  • eggs
  • salmon
  • garlic


Preggers, Remedy, Skin

Happy Belly | Ventre Heureux

So the one-eyed mission was accomplished and you’re knocked up.

Now you have to look forward to morning sickness, which they didn’t tell you meant dry heaving every night. You look forward to an extravagant diet of pickles and bubbly water. You look forward to knocking things over with your engorged mammilla. You look forward to the parasitic bundle of joy inside of you growing and stretching you beyond proportion with its high powered combination ninja moves you’ve only seen in 90s arcade games.

Self inflicted – no mercy.

But who am I to make cracks at breeding when, one day, I will be in your too-small-for-your-inflated-feet shoes.

Either way, you should take care of your skin as you balloon so that you can bounce back without wearing moo-moos for the rest of your days. I’ve met a few stunning women who have had their share of vaginal deployment and, though they are in great shape all over, are left with deflated sacks hanging over their belts. Oh, and though stretch marks can be beautiful in black and white photos on a macro setting – these “medals” can and should be avoided.

Raw or virgin coconut oil is an absolute blessing with its nourishing and conditioning properties that promote healing. Keep in mind that what you put topically onto your skin gets absorbed and passed onto the critter lounging in your womb. So please stop applying chemical cocktails onto your dermis.

Coconut water is also incredibly beneficial when digested for expecting mothers:

  • prevents dehydration
  • prevents constipation
  • prevents infectious disease
  • promotes lactation
  • balances body temperature
  • relieves morning sickness
  • betters digestion

If ejection has been completed and you have stretch marks marbling your chesticles, tummycles and hipsicles – StriVectin-SD Concentrate for Existing Stretch Marks is your go-to. Be prepared to shell out a penny or two for this magic potion, but 93% of people in a study saw results from this product and that’s a lot of people. I swear by this product as an anti-wrinkle option and have been an ardent patron for almost two years.

Ya’ll can laugh at me in a few years, for now I’ll just babysit your kids. Takers?