Evil, Hygiene, Makeup, Skin, Teens

Young Ones | Les Jeunes

Through working on faces for the past decade I have met a lot of really wonderful humans with who I am, to this day, in contact with and some that I have grown to love deeply and dearly. You know who you are.

In the process, my path collided with a special select few at whom I longingly stared, fantasizing of jabbing an eye pencil through their cranial orifices. Some call them “stage moms”.

Surely you have rolled your eyeballs once or twice while watching smutty kid pageant reality teevee shows. Surely, at one point or another, you have wanted to pimp slap a parent at your grocery store wailing on their offspring. Surely I am not the only one.

Wall of shame:

  1. A mother who waxed her 4 year old’s eyebrows! Naturally I hounded her asking if she, at four years of age, would have appreciated having her face ripped off.
  2. Another mother who took her 9 year old to the nail salon to get an acrylic French manicure and pedicure! I flipped out.
  3. Parents who purchased trampy club clothes for their 12 year old and egged her on to assume sexy poses for the camera! I sent them all home after sharing a few choice words for the road.
  4. A mother of 13 and 14 year year olds who, when proposed the question, “Would you let them get a breast augmentation at this age if the job asked for it?” said YES! (You should have seen the look on the other mothers’ faces.) I lost it.

All of these perpetrators yield to media and their children’s reasoning instead of educating them on what is more important…like books, art, diet and proper skin care.

My rules:

  • Unless a model, under 16, I work with is six feet tall and signed with a reputable agency – chances of me doing more than concealer spot treatment, cream blush and chap stick/clear gloss – are slim to none.
  • Teens need to stop wearing that horrid black waterproof liner on their waterline (bottom lash line), please aid me on this endeavour. They don’t know how to blend it and how to wash it off properly. Just. Stop. It. Or try coloured mascaras instead.
  • I’m all for teens experimenting with sheer lipgloss colours – fresh and lovely.
  • Very light cream blush with a little shimmer is also okay in my book.
  • Waxing/plucking should not be allowed until 15 or 16 and ONLY if you’re splitting a unibrow or if you fear Brezhnev’s reincarnation.

Teach your youngins about proper skin care. Keep in mind that prevention (not the sexy time kind…though also helpful) earlier on in their lives can lead to healthier skin later on in their lives that will last longer than yours.

Bestow upon them a healthy habit of never leaving the house without sun screen – rain or shine.

Nip in the bud the Flamin’-Hot-Cheetos-and-RedBull-breakfast routine.

Dress them age-appropriately. It’s YOUR money and YOUR rules until they are 18, don’t forget that.

Decrease face time with the television, I swear they all want to move into music video sets. At least explain to them that films/videos are 90% constructed and not real…their favourite “teen” performers have had chest hair and periods for the past decade.

Be available and honest when your kids need you – a lot of lashing out comes from attention anorexia which leads to horrible makeup and singed hair…I speak from experience.

Hell forbid I ever have a daughter – she will be home schooled and locked down until she is sixteen, dressed in Amish couture, oblivious to razors and rockin’ a unibrow. But if not – I’ll settle for my own version of Madonna’s daughter who should be every teen’s fashion/beauty icon. Go, girl.

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Grooming, Men, Skin

Bearded Ones | Barbus

If you haven’t already noticed, this week has been predominantly dedicated to our favourite pretty princesses boys.

Sorry, ladies, here comes another one…

Some time around October of last year the boyfriend started growing a beard. Typically I would probably gag as I prefer skin over hair any day of the week. But in this case I welcomed the lumberjack-chic guise with open arms because I wanted his skin to breathe and because I influenced his minimalist wardrobe (that has been blossoming handsomely) to accept shades outside of black/white/gray/denim to shades of navy and maroon in his button down plaid hoodie. Not to mention his two week trip to the depths of Idaho to shoot wildlife on a hunting range – his vegan ass loved that.

Through this process I discovered that my fuzzy wuzzy was shaving nearly up to his eyeballs! Naturally, his affliction had to end. Naturally I’d be the one to do it…with my cape flailing in the wind.

Now, as part of Josh’s grooming routine (aside from daily face washing and moisturizing, weekly manicures and exfoliants, bi-weekly pedicures and monthly haircuts) we take time out to pluck the strays sprouting around the hairline of his beard and a bit of the area above his brows.

You’ll need tweezers and a mirror!

Now, let’s evaluate:

You can see the stubble monsters peeking through the skin and making his complexion uneven.

Using tweezers, carefully pluck the unwanted strays. Please do not over do it. The goal is to tidy up – not create facial hair art like Kenneth Branagh in Wild Wild West.

The end result should look something like this:

Some redness is expected. Feel free to rub an ice cube over the irritated areas or saline solution/eye drops. After a few weeks of plucking you will notice the hair growing in much more sparse.

Keep your beards trimmed and ruley, ’cause hypertrichosis is only attractive in a side show.

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Hair, Men, Remedy

No More Hair Loss | Pas de perte de cheveux

Are you a hair club president or client?

Do you find it difficult to keep up with hair products because your dome is slowly being flushed away in the shower?

Is it often that you find yourself performing the shake-fist-at-sky maneuver because you were bestowed with genetics of the balding persuasion.

Diet is important. Folic acid deficiency causes the most damage. Also, just as of yesterday I found out through a case study that hair actually grows back –  but so thin that the human eye cannot see it because the roots become smaller with each shed.

My grandfather, who also happens to be my BFF, has had a shiny crown for as far back as I could remember. A couple of years ago he developed a gorgeous crater, in place of a bindi, filled with a pesky blackhead. Denying my mother the right to squeeze, he asked me for an easy remedy to remove the bugger. My advice was to rub Apple Cider Vinegar until there was nothing left. And he did.

Months went by and G-unit’s crater seemed more and more empty, but his smiles became wider and I just couldn’t put my finger on it. So, I decided to confront. To my surprise the side effects were hair growth! Grandpa said he started from his forehead and went all around the top of his head [just in case] and hair started magically appearing! Now, after decades of barrenness – his noodle garden is flourishing!

Other friends:

  • daily dose of lettuce+spinach juice, 8oz.
  • coconut milk all over the scalp
  • castor oil application
  • paste of lemon and black pepper
  • almond oil compress 2-3 times daily
  • pure aloe vera gel instead of conditioner

Avoid:

  • dry scalp
  • hats
  • hairspray/mousse/gel – alcohol dries scalp
  • too much hair brushing
  • shampooing hair more than 3 times a week

Remember:

  • shorter hair hides the issue better
  • lighter coloured hair creates an illusion of thickness
  • hair products can enhance your problem

Lastly, do not be afraid of the razor – I met Billy Zane a few weeks back and he was rockin’ that ‘do!

And there you have it, my minimal thread count lovelies. Happy farming!

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Hygiene, Men, Nails, Tutorials

Boy Nails | Garçon Ongles

Thought I’d start the year off with some tips for the boys.

Josh, my boyfriend, hand model and partner in crime has recently returned from a trip to India where he spent ten days documenting a very poor remote village where hygiene is a rarity.

Luckily I sent him off with a toiletries bag with all the essentials…including nail clippers in response to which he muttered, “I’m allowed to do my own nails?” This may seem silly to you, but if you haven’t noticed – I take these things seriously, being his one-stop-shop groomer.

Josh's Nails Before

This sparked an idea I wanted to share with you. If you are of the male persuasion, or if you have a man in your life whose nails remind you of a stray cat, look no further for I will reveal ways in which you can transform talons.

Let’s begin…

  1. I have here a manicure bowl you can find at most beauty stores, but you can also use any tupperware dish or bowl alike. Add a drop of soap and hot water. Immerse fingers for 3-5 minutes. This softens nails and cuticles.
  2. Cuticle pushers. Use the longer end to rub down the nail and into the cuticle then use the shorter end to push the cuticles down further.
  3. Cuticle nippers. There are a couple of versions you can find (in virtually any drug store). The ones shown above and ones that look like a U on a stick. Either way, carefully nip the cuticles and hang nails until no piece is left flapping.
  4. Nail clippers. We all know what these are for.
  5. Emery board or nail file. Carefully use the grittier side to file down the rest of your nails, shaping them into curves or squares. Use the softer side with a downward sweeping motion to dull down the nail edges.
  6. Nail buffer square. Most of these come with instructions, but I’ll reiterate. Start with the harsher face and move your way down to the most gentle, buffing each nail until you see it shine.
  7. Cuticle oil. You can pick these up at beauty stores, or use olive or coconut oil instead – either or can do the trick just as well. Paint over the cuticles and nails, follow by rubbing in the oil and wiping off with a (paper) towel.

Josh's Nails After

TA-DA!

Do your nails once a week and remember to push your cuticles back and oil them after the shower for the days in between.

After the first few tries you’ll be a pro and this process will take you minutes to look great for a week or more!

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Men, Skin

For Men | Pour les hommes…

So today I shot a potential male model with Shelli Wright. Poor guy had super dry skin and incredibly long spikey nose hair. His naturally good looks were overpowered by these details and I’m not the only one who notices, believe you me.

Boys, I dedicate this one to you.

Please please please stay groomed…it doesn’t take much.

Check out your nose and ear holes up close at least once a week in natural light. There are excellent trimmers out there – use them. Then glance over once more and use small curved scissors* to trim what ever you missed.

* You can find these in most drug stores' beauty section.

Next-up are eyebrows. Please please please stop grooming them to look better than your female counterparts! It’s definitely better to have two brows as opposed to one – this is where tweezers come in handy JUST to pluck the strays at the top of your nose.

If they are so unruly and long that your vision is compromised – grab those mini curved scissors*, a mascara wand (below) and use it to comb the hair upwards cutting the long ones with the ends of the scissors pointing to the ceiling.

You can find these in most beauty stores, but if there is a shortage ask any woman you know to donate her old mascara to you. Wash off the excess gunk and use it as recommended.

SKIN!

Do not be afraid of skin care products. They are your friends. They are not just for girls. There are tons of them out on the market right now specifically geared towards your hairy faces. A nice face wash is a must: use in the morning or at night, definitely after the gym. Moisturizer is key: use all over the face as soon as you towel off your face, this locks in moisture and keeps your skin looking young and touchable.

AHAVA Mineral Collection for Men. This is one of my favourite skin care lines. The Dead Sea powers these products and in turn has barely any smell - just freshness. Try it!

I think the term “metro-sexual” warded many of you off, I know it did me. Taking care of yourself takes patience, <5 extra minutes of your daily routine, and pride for when you leave the house radiant sending swarms of admirers swooning.

It’ll be our little secret.

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