Body, Grooming, Health, Hygiene, Moi

Vagina doesn’t REALLY rhyme with anything.

Nobody likes a stinky pink.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve vomited in my mouth from clients who sit in my makeup chair, legs spread eagle, radiating musty-basement-full-of-dead-fish from their tacos. Sweet Geezeus.

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For the love of breathing to stay alive, please take care of your lady bits!

When I was a kid [and only a few inches shorter] we lived in Kiev, Ukraine and I predominantly stayed at my grandparents’ house. They had a room with a toilet next to a room with a sink and tub. Communism, baby!

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Mum and I back in Kiev right before we fucked off across the pond. This is a clean-vagina face.

In that little room with a toilet my mum and grandmother taught me hygiene. To an extreme.

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Babushka and I circa twenty years ago.

We had this frosted white plastic cup that I was taught to fill with warm water [in the bathing room next door] prior to peeing to be used post peeing, like a ghetto bidet. This was the cornerstone of my many psychoses OCD moments.

Without getting into the evolution of my hygienic practices, you better believe I keep my vagina clean and pretty. Needless to say I always carry baby wipes in my purse.

I’ve recently discovered SebaMed Feminine Intimate Wash that is an organic gel and mimics your body’s natural pH. This stuff smells delicious and the soap-free formula won’t strip you of the gooey good stuff. Squeeze a drop or two onto a washcloth, massage your bikini part and wash away. Voila! Happy pussy.

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They also make products for hair, face and body!

Then, there’s this other new sexy company that makes sexy products without any fake additives. Good Clean Love has a lube that is aloe vera based, 100% natural/organic, edible, safe for knocked up ladies, and simulates natural lubrication like a champ. Ding! Sexy time.

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Also comes in flavours like lavender and cinnamon vanilla. Can you say yum?

And then I have this friend called Hana Lash. Hana is not only a hottie-boombalattie and talented musician/performer, but has recently launched an Etsy shop with the most original vagina cards you ever did see. There’s one for every occasion and they are fucking brilliant. Please buy me some [please include the Bundle Up necklace too]!

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Current status of my vagina: undergoing laser treatment at the Hot Spot Laser Center in Pasadena. Best husband in the world got me the wedding gift that keeps on giving – 6 sessions of Brazilian baldness. Cue angels singing. This place is awesome and ran by two adorable sisters, Marine and Narine, who don’t have a website [gasp] and don’t advertise [double gasp] but kick serious ass when it comes to ridding of unwanted sprouts. It says something about a business when you’re overbooked just by results and word of mouth.

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Stay classy, ladies and wash that snatch! Singeing nose hairs has never been in.

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Eyes, Lashes, Lips, Makeup

Stay, Valentine! | Tenez, la Saint-Valentin!

Today’s the day that many of you will get f̶u̶c̶k̶e̶d̶ laid, cry or indulge in stuffing of the a̶n̶a̶l̶ oral cavity. Sounds like a typical Tuesday for some of you, doesn’t it?

Either way, which ever cavity you prefer you get stuffed in or produce liquid out of, you’ll need waterproof/long-lasting tools to still look pretty  i̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶n̶i̶n̶g̶ at the finish line.

Hands down, Stila Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid and Smudge Stick Waterproof liners are the bee’s knees. The liquid is so waterproof – you’ll need a Brillo pad to scrub it off. And the smudge stick won’t tug the skin like the other creepy perpetrators. L̶e̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶t̶u̶g̶g̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶u̶n̶d̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶t̶a̶b̶l̶e̶.̶

Lancome Definicils High Definition Waterproof mascara won’t budge even if you h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶a̶g̶ ̶r̶e̶f̶l̶e̶x̶ get dumped on this special day by your one and only true love or you’re just, plain hormonal. Si triste.

Yummy NARS lipstick will moisturize whilst attaching it’s sexy, bad self to your lippers. Feel free to g̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶d̶ ̶v̶i̶g̶o̶r̶o̶u̶s̶l̶y̶ eat what ever you like and test the staying power for yourself. Try these sexy shades: Afghan Red, Heat Wave, Jungle Red and Manhunt.

What am I doing today? Same thing I do every day – WORKING. I get my sexin’ on holiday or not. Pfft.

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